7:29 p.m. - 2004-01-03
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listening to: myself whistling that stripper song
wearing: old jeans, a white tank, and a pink and blue hoodie sweater
You know that old-time song they would always play in movies where there'd be some swanky girl in stripper-esqe clothes doing like a cabaret thing? No? Well it's stuck in my head anyway. I heard in on TV in a commercial or something, and it's been stuck in my head for a few days now. Random. Sort of like my diary entries since I've been back.
Random. I've hardly been online at all since my winter break started. I've just been able to find other things to do I guess. I've been in a really strange mood lately, actually. I don't know... it's really mellow. Not neccessarily depressed . . . more like apathetic I think. It's really sort of getting to bother me now. I think it's been since new years eve. And see, this happens to me every year. No matter what I go to do on new years - whether I'm having a great time or a yucky time - midnight comes and all of a sudden my mood just changes to... well, sadness I guess. Sadness that the year is over. Sadness that time is flying by so quickly. Sadness about things I didn't accomplish. Maybe about things I did. Realization that I'm not a kid anymore, but that I'm not an adult either. I'm at that in-between stage. That time that whenever I want to just be a kid and have fun, all those responsibilities have a way of coming and biting me in the rear. And when I want to be an adult and act like one, I just can't find the wisdom or maturity in myself to do so. Yeah, this is probably old and repetitive, I'm sure. One of those the horse is dead, so quit beating it kind of things. And I'm sure most everyone knows what I'm talking about. I'm sure that everyone goes through it.
But it's not really a big deal... really. I think I've just been in one of my moods, you know. One of those things. Anyway. Not sure what I'm doing tonight. I guess I could clean my apartment. I've been meaning to get to that for oh, a week now. 'Bout time. But probably not.
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