12:31 a.m. - 2004-10-30
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Wow... been a while since I've been here. It's funny, because you can probably take that as a sign that I've been happy. I'm less compelled to write about my boring life when it's... well, boring. Boring in a good way though... comfortable, rather. Yes, comfortable... that's the way to put it. Writing for me is sort of like that saying "misery loves company." No one really wants to hear how great your life is and how fabulous everything is for you... not anyone I know at least. We all like to complain to each other. So-and-so did this to me. I was way too busy doing this. I can't sleep. School is a bitch. That sort of thing. Misery loves company.
So I bet you might guess what leads me back here. I guess I'm just having trouble sorting out what my feelings really are in this situation. Apparently, we're just using each other.... That would be fine if that was the case for both parties, but instead I feel like I'm trying to play it that casually and it's just not working out. Instead I'm pouring all my heart and hope into this, and all I'm getting in return is excuses. Meaningless words and excuses. Phrases that my hope keeps trying to turn into coded promises.
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