10:20 p.m. - 2005-01-13
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I'm so tired. I've been sick for over a week now, and this cough won't go away. I was ridiculous at work today... I know people were disgusted and just wishing I would go home. I wanted to go home, but I just had so much to get done. And I'm transfering over to the other side now... just when I've gotten comfortable and a brand new monitor. Seriously. I came in Monday... there was a brand-spankin-new flat screen LED monitor sitting on my desk... the INTERN's desk. Who woulda thought? Tuesday, I found out I'd be starting work in a new area on Monday. Bye bye flat screen. Maybe I can take it with me. It's sad that this is such a pressing matter on my mind right now. At least the rest of my work is sort of at its "wrapping up" phase. That will make this transition a little smoother.
Regardless...
I'm still tired. Tired of a lot of things. I was rude to my friend this morning on the phone. He had called twice last night, but I was sleeping. I heard the phone, but I was in no mood to deal with whatever we would end up talking about. So he called this morning as I was sitting down at my desk. Scolded me for not answering last night. I told him I was sick and that I felt terrible. He told me that I probably looked like shit too. I told him to have a nice day and promptly hung up the phone. As I was hanging up, I could hear him yelling kidding kidding kidding. Too late. He called me back to say sorry... and that wow I really must not be feeling well since I never act like that. It's funny that I refer to him as a friend. He's not my friend. I wish he was, or that he could be, but that won't ever work out. A real friendship after all this would be near-impossible. So I really need to suck-it-up and let him go... but isn't it just easier to stay in a comfortable place that only hurts when you think about it too much? The thinking will always get you, never fails. So I apparently need to either stop thinking, or take a breath and get up from this comfy spot. Maybe burn it a little so I don't go back. It's like a nice warm bed early in the morning when it's raining out... I just don't want to leave. Not that anything I'd face after getting up is all that bad... it's probably better than I think. But that's tough to rationalize when the alarm is blaring at 5 am. I read that book... he's just not that into you. Good book for anyone that knows deep down that they need to bust headfirst out of whatever twisted version of a relationship they've weaved themselves into.
yea...
So I guess I'll try to sleep now. I have a bright and early 8am meeting. And to top it off... it's one-on-one and I'd like to make a good impression. Judging on how I felt yesterday morning... that's just super.
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