4:19 p.m. - 2005-02-11
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So I was bored in class yesterday, and I was wondering exactly how many days of lent there are. I started counting in my calendar, but somehow I overlooked my easter and ended up on the eastern orthodox easter sunday - it's May 1st... that's like, 80 days from Ash Wednesday. So I was sort of flipping out in my head thinking lent was that long b/c I was sure that it had always been 40 days.... So anyway, I got home and told my roommate and we were both sure that couldn't be right. We counted again, and sure enough I got it right that time. It's 40 days to palm sunday, the sunday before easter. So I guess technically lent is 47 days long. I can deal with that.
So I did it. I gave him up for lent. I called and told him that maybe we should see each other for a while... shouldn't talk for a while. I told him that he could call my roommate if he really needed to talk to me but that I wouldn't be answering if he called. Otherwise I'd just forget all about this and i'd be right back were i am now. He asked me where that was, like it was supposed to be some big mystery. I can't keep letting my heart break over him everytime I see him. Enough is enough, and I have to let myself get over him.
I was telling Linds how mad he sounded on the phone - hurt, you know. She said that of course he's mad, maybe hurt. This is the first time I've ever taken him out of the position of control in our relationship, and it wasn't going to be a comfortable place for him. I was direct and I didn't back down... not the way that I usually act. I felt sick the whole time... I'm such a nervous basket case with stuff like this.
It's been raining lately and that always makes me think about my life for some reason. And I was watching sappy chick movies on TBS on superbowl sunday. Bad move. I was watching what women want, and mel gibson and helen hunt started dancing together and it made me think. I don't think I've danced with anyone since high school. I mean, what occasion is there ever to dance with someone? Unless maybe you are at a wedding, or... well I can't think of anything else. And in high school it was so silly. The girl would always have both her hands around the guy's neck and the guy had both his arms around the girl's waist, and then they'd just glue themselves togther and sway around like that. But in this movie (and i suppose this is the way that you're supposed to dance once you've outgrown the utter excitment that is high school) they were dancing like normal adults: holding hands on one side and girl-hand to shoulder and guy-hand to waist on the other side like it's supposed to be. But then they just brought their hands in and rested them on the guys chest, and god, it just broke my heart. I don't even know why. And then Linds was telling me about how she and this guy friend of hers were watching tv and just out of the blue, he stood up and pulled her up and started dancing with her. What was my reaction to this? It literally brought a tear to my eye. A tear... can you believe that? And then TBS brought me down again when i was watching my nice censored Sex and the City. Big and Carrie were dancing to moon river and then he moved away with no notice. And he left the record for her in case "she ever felt lonely" and a ticket to come visit him in case "he ever felt lonely." These aren't even real stories and listen to how I carry on about them. Geez.
Well that's enough of that for now. This is probably the most real entry I've written in a while. Long too. Anyway... 40 days isn't so long, right? Maybe by Easter I won't even be counting anymore.
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